In 2006, DAI published a paper that explored, in part, an expectant parent’s right “to make the placement decision in a fully informed manner, devoid of pressure or coercion.” (Smith, 2006). Yet research on what is provided expectant parents in crisis is scarce. To fill that void, DAI is working with researchers, Elissa Madden and Scott Ryan at the University of Texas at Arlington on The Options Counseling Project, a way to better understand if, or how, these rights are being respected. In this first phase, the experiences of first/ birth parents are being explored in-depth, both as an expectant parent and beyond. We are seeking to know how the counseling, support and information, given from a variety of sources prior to relinquishment, effected the decision making process. We are also seeking to know how, or if, the services and information they received prepared them for the reality of their experience.
“I was encouraged to believe I wasn’t enough.”
“When I decided I wanted to parent, they told me to think about how devastated the adoptive parents would be if I changed my mind.”
“I was never told that some adopted kids struggle with feeling abandoned or unloved by their birthparents.”
“I was an afterthought at best, an obstacle at worst… my counseling was basically being told where to sign my parental rights away.”
”We didn’t talk about parenting at all.”
These are the words of first/birthparents I have worked with describing the counseling they received during their crisis pregnancies. For the past twenty-eight years I have listened to the voices of first/birth parents on blogs, in books, in the media and, most importantly, one on one. I have worked with first/birth parents grappling with the trauma, grief and pain of their experience. I have also worked with struggling expectant parents in crisis.
For many first/birth parents, articulating this very painful part of their life is difficult. It often seems that it is an experience without words, only deep feeling. As Project Lead for the Options Counseling Project, I and others at DAI, have worked closely with principle researcher, Elissa Madden, to make sure that the questions asked can access that vast continuum of feeling as clearly as possible. Giving voice to what has been rarely, if ever, spoken is challenging. It is, however, also empowering to be heard. This research gives first/birth parents the opportunity to be heard and for their experience to be a part of positive reform.
Research is often the first step in changing laws, policies, and practice. DAI’s commitment to protecting the rights of expectant parents is foundational in this research. Currently, only 11 states have language that addresses the need for informed consent, and only a handful require 2 to 3 sessions of counseling. There are no states that define standards for care in a crisis pregnancy. Additionally, very few programs in Social Work, Counseling and Psychology address counseling parents in a crisis pregnancy. As a result, professionals providing services often look to those that employ them for guidance and informational materials. Research is vitally needed to inform not only practitioners and policy makers, but families, friends and communities that are looking to support expectant mothers and fathers in crisis.
If you are a first/birth parent, please take this opportunity for your voice to be heard. If you know a first/birth parent, share this link with them. Be a part of this vital piece of research.
Brenda Romanchik, LCSW
Project Lead, The Options Counseling Project
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